You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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