Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
