sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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