We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
