he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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