You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
