Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
