just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
