You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
