how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
