she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
