Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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