Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
