i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
