Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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