i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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