Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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