My hair reeks of homosexuality.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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