i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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