The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
