So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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