I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
