honey bunches of taint.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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