Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I wish there were birth control emojis
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
