you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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