just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
handjob tips. give me some.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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