I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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