There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
