sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
