i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
