I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
