around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
