Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
