To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
