Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
