I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
