I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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