2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Randomize
