rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
