I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Randomize
