Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
