so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
