i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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