so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
