You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
