are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
