the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
