When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
