it hurts more in the daytime
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You were trust falling into bushes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
