she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sober January is a disaster.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
