i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
