I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
