Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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